payday

Normally, this is my favorite day of the month. Or 2 days. Or some months 3. I get my check and rush off to play a little poker at the Lucky Lady. I don't get to play live table action much because of my work schedule and Thursdays are perfect. I've slept all night and don't have to work until 11pm. Letty is in school and I have until about 5pm to play. Not that I play for 8 hours or anything. But I could if I wanted to. You know what I mean?

I had to take a quick responsibility check here recently. I've owed this one cat some money for a long time and I need to pay him back. It's been affecting my relationship with the fellowship I belong to which he is also a member. I'm not going to places to avoid running into him or anyone that knows that I owe him this money. That affects my relationship with God and my fellow man. Puts distance between us. I can't afford that.

Why don't I pay him? Good question. Probably because I'm a selfish, self centered, fearful jackass. I've got issues when it comes to being broke. It's not even that paying him back will make me broke. Just the possibility that I could not have money in case something happens freaks me out. Especially when Letty and I aren't getting along. The idea of being homeless with no money (which wouldn't happen because I have great friends and my pops) puts me into instant miserly survivor mode. I could probably use some therapy when it comes to that. It's just that I HAVE lived like that (homeless and broke) and never, ever want to be there again. No matter what the cost or who I screw over. Sounds awful, huh?

I paid him back about half of what I owe him today. We aren't on speaking terms so I just left it under the mat and texted him that it was there. Hopefully he will text me back that he got it. I did feel better after I left his house. It's one of those things. The only way that I can get right with God is to get right with my fellow man. I took a step towards that today. Yay for me.

In two weeks I'll have him paid off and can maybe get out of this little self imposed spiritual rut that I have been in. It's been a longtime coming.