Meeting New Friends and Influencing People

So here's something new that I have been doing lately. I didn't think of it myself, I got it somewhere else. At least the initial idea. If anyone knows let me know so that I can give credit where credit is due. I read too many great blogs.

Oh yeah, the thing. Check this out. I'm always looking for opportunities to further God's Kingdom right? I think one of the best ways for me to do this is prayer. But what to pray for? I'm not real good at long, elegant, intricate prayers. I can do a little short, sweet prayer pretty well though. Here's a great way that I found to find prayees. Ya know, the ones to be prayed on or over or however we go about doing that.

I go to http://search.twitter.com/. It's a search engine for twitter. I type in the word "pray" into the search window. Guess what happens? A whole list of people to pray for! How cool is that? Of course some of them are like "pray that the Cubs win today." That of course is a prayer that I will have to reject. God does NOT love the cubs.

I say a prayer for or about anyone that needs a prayer on the list. After I do that, I look for the ones that look like they REALLY need some prayer. The ones who you can tell are hurting. Like I have been hurting before. How is it described in the Bible? They moaned? Yeah, those guys. Maybe it was groaned... hmmm I guess I could look it up. Wait, I digress.

These people, these moaners or groaners (which I mean with all due respect, I believe the original meaning of the word was something along the lines of a physical cry to God for help which a lot of times I am too prideful to utter, although I have) I click on their little blue link button. Because most people on twitter are geeks like myself, they have a link on their profile to their website or blog. I then proceed to their website (usually a blog) and leave 'em a little note saying Hey and let them know that someone indeed is praying for them. Again, as long as it's not a prayer for the Cubs, Raiders, Yankees, Broncos, BYU, Dodgers, Giants, Diamondbacks, Rockies, Chiefs ummm anyway, you get the point. That's the meeting new friends part.

The influencing people? I think that when you are praying for someone or something you are giving the best influence that you can. Asking God for something for another person is as real an influential thing as it gets. I wish I could take that last sentence back, but you know what I'm talking about even if I can't get the words out of my fingers correctly.

Thank you God for the opportunity to be of true service to people with my little acts of prayer. I know that you are listening to your people as you always have and through your kindness and love for us answer them whether it's what we were asking for or not. Help me Lord to be an instrument of prayer so that others may come to believe that You are. Amen.

How do you find people and events to pray about?

Tito, get me a tissue.

I've seen this video quite a few times now and every time it never fails to make me cry. I don't know if it's because the message is so personally powerful to me or it's just a powerful message period. It might be a good idea to have something to wipe your eyes with after this. I know I needed it.



I found it again on Dustin's blog. He's got something good going on up in Alaska. You should check him out.

Wednesday Words

I'm thinking it would be a good idea at least to check in here every Wednesday no matter what. Let y'all (and me later) know what's happening with me. Even when there's not a lot going on.

Letty and I aren't getting baptized on Sunday. I couldn't get the time off from work and I want it to be a celebration and not something where I'm nodding off before and after the baptism. I think the next opportunity will be in June. It's like my sister said when I told her, "Hey, you're still saved!" Amen to that Shelly!!!

As you can see by my poker bankroll, I am DOMINATING the .02/.04 tables on Pokerstars. I've increased my bankroll by 60% in the last week. That's right, I'm up to over $8.00 in cold, hard cash! What am I going to do with all that money? I think I can afford a value meal somewhere. I could also put 2 gallons of gas in Betsy. That was my Dad's name for her.

We lost an employee at work on Friday. I guy named Jim who had been working at my store for the last 15 years. He was the longest tenured guy on my shift. One of those guys that was kind of grouchy but had a good heart. I'm thinking he was in his 60's. He was from Ohio. He loved the Buckeyes, Browns, and Indians. He was diagnosed with throat cancer about 5 weeks before he passed. I know that he was a Christian, on his vacation he would go over to his church and work there for the week. Like I said a good dude. His funeral is on the 20th. I'll have to go and pay my respects. I miss having him around.

Home life has been good. Letty and I are talking more about things before they come to a head. I think that we both have crossed a bridge as far as our relationship goes. It feels good to know that someone has your back and that you have theirs. I think what I'm trying to say is that there is a deeper level of commitment than we had before. She sees that I'm doing good things and with a servant's heart. I will say that the hardest place in the world to be like that is my own home. Isn't that sad? I'm definitely making the effort that I wasn't making before in the household.

Some more good news this week is that the NFL is starting this weekend. Go Chargers!!!! If we can stay healthy this could be our year. Of course, we have been saying that the last couple of years. We were close, but The Patriots were just too much for us.

OK, I've learned a little trick from my other fellow bloggers. Ask a question at the end of your blog. I love it! Here goes...

Who's your favorite NFL team and why?

Baptism

Letty and I are sitting at Journey on Sunday. I've been thinking about getting baptized for oh, I don't know, about a year now. Being the great procrastinator that I am, I might be thinking about it for another couple of years before I do anything about it. Baptism sounds remarkably about commitment and a public display of commitment to boot.

It's been easy for me to sit in the very back of the church for the last year and a half and watch everything going on around me. I'm really good at observing. I've been becoming more friendlier the more that God has been working in me. I recognize people and am recognized. We eat breakfast after the service in the church cafe and talk to whoever we are sitting next to that day. I follow and leave comments on Ed's, Rod's and other Journey related blogs. Baby steps to commitment.

It's amazing how God works. A chance encounter online with a cool person. You start a relationship with that person. That person takes you to church. You find something in this church that you have been searching for all of your life. On a random Sunday morning over a year ago, you find yourself open to letting God in. You ask Jesus Christ to come into your life. He turns your world upside down. You have to change jobs, become accountable, give up some deeply ingrained habits and addictions that are killing you one day at a time. Fall a couple of times before you finally surrender the thoughts and actions that are so ingrained from a lifetime of sin that the only way to rid yourself of them is to give them to God. Grudgingly. But given nonetheless.

There you are. Stripped of all the defenses that you have used to protect yourself, what's left is what you came into this world with. Nothing. Born again. It sure takes on a new meaning when you actually experience it. Two years ago those two words would have made me cringe. Now they offer me hope and redemption. A chance to help others like me find the kindness of a Savior. He IS mighty to save.

Which isn't to say that I'm not always stubbing my toes as I take this Journey. I'm constantly asking God to keep me humble and teachable. If I don't say something stupid or hurtful at least a couple of times a day I must be in a coma. There's a whole life of habits that I'm trying to overcome here. Thankfully, I have Christ to walk it with me. To carry me a lot of the time.

About the person I started that relationship with a couple of years ago. Leticia. Now Leticia Stevens. Somehow I ended up talking her in to marrying me back in November. When I say God works miracles in my life this one just might take the cake. On September 7th, we are going to be baptized together in front of our community of Christ Followers. God is good. He is so good.

The next thing I have to write out is a testimony. I think that I have to read it before they dunk me. That should be interesting. I'll try to keep it clean. How about I just keep it honest. I'm ready for commitment. In more ways than one.

Steve Rapata

Who is Steve Rapata? Well, me originally. That was the name I was given when I was born. However, as the people that gave me that name quickly put me up for adoption, it wasn't destined to stick. I wonder what they called me the first 11 months of my life? Steve, Little Steven, Stevie, Baby #145, Shitbucket? Who knows? While I'm sure that it's pretty common not to remember your 1st year of life, I wonder how common it is (at least in America) not to know anyone else who does.

I was always under the assumption that when I was born they took me immediately away from my mother and put me in a, a, umm, I have no idea what you would call it. Orphanage? Geez. That wasn't what happened at all. That was what my Mom told me. She probably didn't want my feelings to get hurt.

I found out the truth after my Dad passed last November. It seems as if my birth parents were actually married and had taken me home with them. I don't know what happened exactly but about a month and a half later they brought me to the catholic social service agency that took me in and put me up for adoption.

It really doesn't matter and yet it totally matters. I'm up at 4 in the morning writing about it. Not that it's abnormal for me to be up this late since I work nights but it's my night off. I just noticed the date also. August 6th. The date when my parents finally got to take me home from the adoption agency. 1966. Just looking at that number makes me feel oooold.

What could I have possibly done as a newborn infant to make my birth parents give me up for adoption? Did I snore too loudly? Those that know me intimately know that I snore like a fiend, that could have been it. What, was changing my diaper inconvenient? Did I cry too much? My Mom said I was a very quiet kid, maybe I learned my lesson. Did I get in the way of their extravagant swinger lifestyle? I don't know if they had one, but knowing me and the way I am it's not out of the realm of possibility.

Enough of this then. Early morning introspection about why I'm so fucked up in the head and seemingly emotionally stunted are all made moot by the fact that I have a loving Father that has been watching over me the whole time. Through Him I've been made whole again. Because of His sacrifice I've been given Grace. Not just my baby girl Gracie but the true uncut 100% S-H-I-T. I'm sure that is pretty sacrilegious, but if you are a dope fiend you understand what I'm talking about. Maybe even if your aren't.

Mom and Dad Rapata, thank you. I'm sure that you did what you did for my welfare. Paul and Suzanne Stevens, thank you. Out of all the people in this world that God could have chosen to raise me, he chose you. He chose well. I miss you. Happy adoption day.

Ehh....

Not much poker action here in bubland. It's been more about me and my wife getting right with each other. I'm an idiot sometimes. Although my idiocy has gotten better over the last couple of years I still do stupid things. Things that hurt my girl. The last thing that I want to do.

The only thing that I could think of to counter that is to get closer to God. That always seems to be the answer to my problems anymore. Although it's silly to think that I can keep God at arm's length it is something I try to do on a frequent basis. I don't think separating myself from God is a very good idea. I seem to do much better when I let his love fill me up inside. When that happens is when I am able to be a loving husband, father, friend and co worker.

Growing is painful. Growing is change. Growing takes time and effort. I'm not the most patient of people. I want to grab a hold of things NOW. God's idea of timely and mine are a little different. He's bigger than me so I generally let Him have His way. Plus He has lightning bolts. I'm not arguing with anyone that has lightning bolts.

Time to sleep. Just wanted to update my little blog. Ciao.

5th of July

I'm back to work. What a drag. Can't I just play poker for a living? I'm tired. A couple of weeks off and my body isn't used to all the physicality of my job. I'll be alright. I've been so tired there's been no poker the last couple of days.

Not much God time either. There's church tomorrow. Hopefully, I can get filled up with The Spirit. I've been feeling kinda flat lately. That's no indictment of God. More an indictment of me not seeking Him. I'm half-ass praying (hmmm, I'm not sure if there's such a thing, but if there is, I'm there). I'm disappointed that I'm not going to be able to get my girls down here for the summer. I'm bummed about gas prices and just the cost of living in general. I keep trying to have faith that things are going to work out. They will. One way or the other.

Lord, keep me strong in doing your will and to take the actions that I need to without worrying about the results. Keep my family and friends safe in these uncertain times and deliver us from evil as you have been so lovingly doing. You ARE the way, the truth and the light. Please keep shining it so I can find my way through the darkness. Thanks for my life, your humble child, Paul.

Final Table

I made a final table yesterday in a MTT. Even though I went out in 9th it was a great learning experience. I'd love to be able to win one of these things eventually. I've won in limit tourneys online but not NL. I am learning to play less borderline hands which I'm sure has helped me immeasurably.

I went out 65th in The Mookie. Man, I was completely owned by erin26. I kept getting involved in hands with her and kept getting the worst of it. I finally pushed with KQs and she called me with AK and an ace hit the flop to finish me off. It was one of those nights where I knew that I was getting outplayed. Oh well, better luck next week.

On the God front, all sorts of good things have been happening this week. First, the teaching pastor at Journey, Ed Noble, has started his own blog, Ed's Journey. This is the guy that really made me take my first steps toward being a Christ follower. It's been awesome to be able to get a thought or two from him during the week. Check it out.

The other great thing about Ed starting a blog is that I have found a lot of other great Christian blogs that have been linked to him or are leaving comments. That was one of the things I was struggling with before, finding Christ centered blogs that are similar to my own beliefs. I guess you do get what you pray for, sometimes you just have to be patient.

On the life front, I'm struggling. I'm not using, as a matter of fact I got 90 days a couple weeks ago. Just the same-o, same-o. Fighting depression, not content with what I have, a lot of fear about losing the little that I do have. Besides that, I'm great! I'm praying more frequently, I've taken a couple suggestions from the messages that I've received at Journey the last couple of weeks, and I'm trying to stay in line with what God's will is for me. It's a constant struggle for me to overcome my ego and my own selfish interests. It's something that I constantly have to ask God to help me with. The great thing is that He does. It's wonderful to get even a moment's break from my own self-obsession.

payday

Normally, this is my favorite day of the month. Or 2 days. Or some months 3. I get my check and rush off to play a little poker at the Lucky Lady. I don't get to play live table action much because of my work schedule and Thursdays are perfect. I've slept all night and don't have to work until 11pm. Letty is in school and I have until about 5pm to play. Not that I play for 8 hours or anything. But I could if I wanted to. You know what I mean?

I had to take a quick responsibility check here recently. I've owed this one cat some money for a long time and I need to pay him back. It's been affecting my relationship with the fellowship I belong to which he is also a member. I'm not going to places to avoid running into him or anyone that knows that I owe him this money. That affects my relationship with God and my fellow man. Puts distance between us. I can't afford that.

Why don't I pay him? Good question. Probably because I'm a selfish, self centered, fearful jackass. I've got issues when it comes to being broke. It's not even that paying him back will make me broke. Just the possibility that I could not have money in case something happens freaks me out. Especially when Letty and I aren't getting along. The idea of being homeless with no money (which wouldn't happen because I have great friends and my pops) puts me into instant miserly survivor mode. I could probably use some therapy when it comes to that. It's just that I HAVE lived like that (homeless and broke) and never, ever want to be there again. No matter what the cost or who I screw over. Sounds awful, huh?

I paid him back about half of what I owe him today. We aren't on speaking terms so I just left it under the mat and texted him that it was there. Hopefully he will text me back that he got it. I did feel better after I left his house. It's one of those things. The only way that I can get right with God is to get right with my fellow man. I took a step towards that today. Yay for me.

In two weeks I'll have him paid off and can maybe get out of this little self imposed spiritual rut that I have been in. It's been a longtime coming.

Ahhhhh.....

Finally got some air conditioning up in this crib. The A/C guy came yesterday and got it up and running. Thank God. It's been miserable here the last week and a half. The last thing I wanted to do was sit in front of a computer and type my innermost thoughts while sweating my balls off. Not only was I miserable, of course the other members of the household have been miserable as well. Leading to a "who is more tired and miserable" pissing contest at the house. At least between Letty and I. Tio Roberto is a gamer who doesn't complain about anything.

Pokerwise, have been slowly building up my mini poker bankroll. Playing in cash games mainly. Micro-limit limit poker. I'm a good limit player and I enjoy it. Hopefully I can build up my account money where I can play in some modest entry fee tourneys. I play the freerolls on Poker Stars and Ultimate Bet but they are such all-in fests that they tend to bore me and not make it worth the effort to play. Especially when it's 90 plus degrees in the house with no relief in sight.

Friday I went to church and Pastor Ed talked about grace. The subject of grace always chokes me up a bit. It's like I can be flying 100+ miles an hour in my mind full of my self and my needs and my desires and my triumphs and someone can mention grace. Something you can't earn. An unrequited gift from God. For a person that lives the life that I have (and still do) grace is a life preserver. He used a great parable to describe how grace works and why it is such a hard concept for humans to grasp.

Matthew 20:1-16

1"For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire men to work in his vineyard. 2He agreed to pay them a denarius for the day and sent them into his vineyard.
3"About the third hour he went out and saw others standing in the marketplace doing nothing. 4He told them, 'You also go and work in my vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.' 5So they went.
"He went out again about the sixth hour and the ninth hour and did the same thing. 6About the eleventh hour he went out and found still others standing around. He asked them, 'Why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing?'
7" 'Because no one has hired us,' they answered. "He said to them, 'You also go and work in my vineyard.'
8"When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, 'Call the workers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first.'
9"The workers who were hired about the eleventh hour came and each received a denarius. 10So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius. 11When they received it, they began to grumble against the landowner. 12'These men who were hired last worked only one hour,' they said, 'and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day.'
13"But he answered one of them, 'Friend, I am not being unfair to you. Didn't you agree to work for a denarius? 14Take your pay and go. I want to give the man who was hired last the same as I gave you. 15Don't I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?'
16"So the last will be first, and the first will be last."

One of the key points that he wanted us to take from his sermon (I don't really like to call it a sermon, it sounds so formal, it's more like a talk) was, unlike the hired men, To celebrate God's generosity wherever we may find it. Grace frees us from jealousy and celebrating the grace in the lives of others increases our own ability to experience it.

The point that I took from it is I'm glad that I'm not getting what I deserve, but what God wants me to have through his love for me. Oh, and of course he is not talking about other blogger's high finishes in poker tournaments. I'm still allowed to be plenty jealous about that. ;)

Hi There!

I've probably doomed myself by putting God in the title of my blog. Probably depends on what I'm looking to get out of this. "To thine own self be true." OK, God it is then. My problem is that I love Poker. And God. And a whole bunch of other things that I adore from time to time. I'm not the greatest player, not the greatest writer, and definitely not the greatest Christ follower around either. Obviously. I've got a lot of issues. Children, addiction, alcoholism and gambling (the non poker variety) just to name a few.

I'm hoping that with this blog maybe I can bring all these things together in some kind of cohesive, smooth running machine. Yeah, who am I trying to kid. It's more that I enjoy the act of writing and the meeting of new people and sometimes actually posting something halfway decent. I can always dream.

The poker part of me: I've been playing pretty consistently for the last 4 years. I started playing online in 2004 in play money games that my boss at the time turned me on to. I graduated to playing cash tournaments at Viejas. Unfortunately, it was probably my 5th tournament and I accidentally went ahead and won. I've been hooked ever since. I played (and play) in cash games at Viejas, The Lady Luck, sometimes Barona and Sycuan. I nickel and dime it online (especially since I can't figure a way to get money onto my Epassporte account). Overall, I'm definitely in the black for poker which continues to amaze me.

The God part of me: The only way to do this is to put it in black and white. Maybe I will add a link to my old blog so that you can see what a mess I was. I've been playing in bands since I was 19 years old. I've had 5 kids with 4 different women. I'd developed a nasty alcohol and drug habit not to mention smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day. I'd shrunk up to the point where I was fitting into size 28 jeans and they were loose. About 115 pounds soaking wet. Sores, speech problems, nervous tics, a general dark cloud over my head. I'd been messing with NA and AA since I was a teenager but it never stuck for more than a couple of years. In May 2005 I was at the end of my rope. I didn't want to live anymore. I was in a nightmare relationship that had me to the point where I was actually calling people's homes and threatening to kill them. I could barely work and I was living in the basement of my employer's house. (Thanks Gene, you were and are a life saver). I finally stopped everything on May 1st, 2005. My clean date. I started going to meetings with my guitar player and just didn't pick up. I did all the suggestions (except work the steps with a sponsor, oops) and haven't had the desire to pick up.

Oh yeah, where does God come into all of this? I started talking to this girl I met online in March of 2006. Craig's list to be exact. She was funny, I loved the way she talked, and attractive. Oh, and she was a Christian. Ugh. I believed that there was a divine presence in the universe but Jesus? Thank God she didn't make a big deal about it. She was much too clever for that. She kept inviting me to go to church with her but I would beg off with one excuse or another. Finally, one day I decided to keep an open mind (and to keep her happy) I went. I was scared. These aren't my kind of people. I felt like they could all see the evil that was in me. Finally the band started and my church experience turned into a rock concert. Huh? I was expecting either solemn hymns or folk rock john denver style of music. It was more like U2. That piqued my curiosity. Then the pastor gave his talk. A down to earth, normal talk based on the bible. It made sense. They got my guard down. Did I mention that while this was happening I was drinking a mocha in the service that I had bought when we were walking in? Good music, a nice talk, A Starbucks quality mocha? Did I mention very progressive church?

I enjoyed it. I still wasn't convinced about the Jesus as my personal savior but I kept going back. The message of the church stayed consistent. They weren't trying to force anything. They didn't want my money. They let me come to God on my own. Novel approach that worked. I don't remember the exact day that I turned my life over to Christ, I remember that it was at the end of the service and Pastor Ed asked if anyone wanted to turn their life over to Christ to please raise their hand so he could pray with us. I did and he did and that's where I am at today. I'm not a bible thumper. I'm not judgemental. I think it's God's job not mine. I have found some peace in my life that I've never experienced. Sometimes I believe that is just old age, most of the time I think it's God. I do have doubts. I do waver in my belief. I'm human. I have a hard time when people say that they don't. I try absolutely to remain humble and not be a hypocrite.

That's my story up to this point. This blog is probably not going to be G rated. I have lots of stories and I'm still not perfect although I have moved from a rated X live to maybe a PG. Thanks if you have read any of this and I hope to make a lot of new friends in the months to come.