Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Wednesday Words

My week of non poker playing officially is over tonight. It hasn't been that bad actually. I've been reading a lot more. What sucks is I haven't been feeling physically that great this week. I went to the Doctor on Sunday and discovered that I had high blood pressure (hypertension).

Not really a discovery. I've known it. I've just ignored it. I'm definitely like the ostrich that sticks his head in the sand. If I don't pay attention or can't see it then I can't be hurt by it. It's why I haven't gone for a physical in 20 years. What I don't know can't hurt me.

I know that this isn't true. I know that if I continue to live my life like that there will be a day of reckoning. Maybe that's what I'm trying to avoid. I like eating what I want to eat. Being lazy as I want to be. I can live like that. If I want to deal with the consequences.

The greatest motivator in my life is that I'm a coward. When doing drugs and drinking actually began to look like it was killing me, I was able to quit. Same with cigarettes. I've quit a lot of the things that were killing me. I think now is the time to start.

It's time to start taking care of myself. It's time to start eating healthier. It's time to start exercising. It's time to start going to the doctor and taking his recommendations. What's funny is that it's been harder for me to START these things than it was to QUIT the others.

I lived my life from the time I was 15 years old to middle age like I was invincible. Now that my body is letting me know that my mortality is oh so real I don't know how to do a lot of things that I never worried about before. I don't know how to eat right. I have no clue how to start exercising. I don't know about going to a doctor unless I need to go to the emergency room.

I'm going to have to learn about discipline. Thank God that he has put some discipline in my life. Her name is Letty. I used to pride myself on the fact that I was a hedonist. It's definitely not as appealing to my 40 year old self as it was to my 20 or 30 year old self.

Once again, I'm taking baby steps. The doc put me on high blood pressure medication. I'm taking it as prescribed. It's kinda kicking my ass. I feel tired all the time. I'm hoping that I catch my second wind soon. The last few days I haven't done much but lay or sit around the house watching election stuff. Even a cup of 7/11 coffee isn't getting me moving. I probably shouldn't be drinking it anyway. Sigh.

I didn't know that this post was going to end up being a post on the state of my well being. I guess it's something that I need to talk about. Probably pray about, right?

Lord, thank You so much for taking me from the depths of my addictions and giving me a new start in life. Help me to honor Your grace and Your mercy by taking care of this precious vessel that you have given me to live inside. Help me to understand what a gift my life is and that I shouldn't waste it with my own sloth and apathy. Let me be an example of how You use the least of Your servants to be the greatest of Your testimonies. Not that I should be great Father, but that through You my life may help and touch others and lead them to You. Amen.


Lorna said...

Amen to that, brother! You are so blessed to have Letty to walk through this with you.

For me starting is the easy part, it's being consistent where I stumble. You are going to do just fine. If not....I'll kick your ass! :)

Todd said...

beautiful prayer at the end of your post...

Tony York said...

You struck on a great truth about STARTING and STOPPING... how come its always so hard to START the good stuff and so easy to START the bad stuff? I think its the discipline thing you hit on. We are all being discipled by the Holy Spirit.

I also loved the prayer you wrote.

Anonymous said...

Bub: Once you start exercising -- getting past the first 30 days -- you will LOVE it! I promise. You will get the energy you crave only it won't come from a cup O' Joe. It will come from you. You will feel muscle in your body which is amazing when it gives you the control you'll have over your body that you didn't realize you could have. No aches. You'll bend and twist when you didn't know you could go that far down, up, or around. I'm serious. Eating right will start to taste better than eating junk. I would much rather eat a salad with grilled veggies than a piece of chocolate cake. That took a lot of training, but it really is true. It tastes better. It feels better. It digests better.

I found out yesterday that I have gestational diabetes AGAIN. I was so pissed I can't even tell you. I took it out on everyone -- my kids included. One of the things I have enjoyed the most about this pregnancy is the food. I have indulged like never before because I know that afterwards I'm going to have to lose 50 pounds anyway. Why not enjoy it while I can? Well when a baby's life and well-being is at stake you don't mess around. You just don't. Now I have to be serious which means no more junk. I know it's better to be healthy and to eat healthy, but for some odd reason I desired to continue in my temporary gluttony and it made me mad that I have to quit. Stupid. But that's flesh for ya.

Today is better and my sugar levels have been great.

You can do it. It is hard to start. But you will be so happy that you did and if you do it right and for the right reasons you'll never look back. Good luck!! I loved the prayer you wrote too.

Heidi Reed