Wednesday Words

It's been an interesting week. My week generally starts on Thursday night if you're wondering. I had my last day of fasting last Wednesday and I'm looking forward to macking on something today. Wednesday is my one real day off and it truly felt like a sacrifice to not eat on that day, as cheesy and weak as that sounds. I've grown soft, what can I say?

Letty and I attended a Quiet Time Workshop on Saturday at Journey. It was given by the Daily Journey ministry and it was awesome. I worked overnight, shot over there after a quick shower, and was amazingly able to stay awake the whole time without a problem. Journey makes good coffee! I wish they had a website or something I could hook you up to but I'm not sure if they do. If anyone knows of one or maybe even if Ann has a blog let me know.

The gist of the workshop was to help us find a deeper, more meaningful relationship with God through our quiet time. I've already been doing this, but it was more of a reading the passages of scripture from my bible reading guide as opposed to the more meditative practice that they were talking about.

The best part for me was the small group that they broke us down into so that we could practice the techniques for ourselves. Our leader was Kevin Brangwynne, who's a cool dude that I've been twittering back and forth with over the last couple of months. He did a great job of leading us through it and I loved everybody's take on what they read and what they experienced. I think The Lord's been speaking strongly to me about not being such a "weekend viewer" of what goes on at Journey on Sunday and start to become an active member of my church. This was a great start to this journey for us.

Sunday was more conviction time as Ed was talking about practicing different spiritual disciplines. The one that spoke most loudly to me (just like last year) was the discipline of tithing. We were doing it for awhile and then fell away from it as the year progressed. The funny thing is it was true what God said. We were blessed more financially when we were tithing than we ever were when we were not.

I think the spiritual principle I get from this is partly that in doing this I'm actually obeying and putting into practical application that I actually walking the walk and not just talking the talk. It's easy to say "Oh yes God, I believe in you and I will sing your praises from here to eternity" than it is to hand Him my hard earned cash. I'm cheap man. It's definitely an issue with me that I have to address. The truth is that none of it is mine, it's all His, and I should be grateful that He lets me keep 90% of it. If I can keep myself in that frame of mind it's not a problem. It's when my fear and financial insecurity get the best of me that I fail miserably. Lord, please keep me humble and of service to You this year in this particular discipline.

I think our next step is to find a small group to become a part of. I'm going to start sincerely looking for one this month. I think it's the next step for us. Pray that I don't chicken out or get lazy.

Have you noticed that there's been a fundamental shift on this blog's emphasis on God and my journey with Him as opposed to poker and my personal life? What the heck happened? Amazing how He works huh?

Here's a little poker content. I am on fire right now. I've finished in the money (ITM) in 5 of the last 7 tourneys I have entered. I don't believe that God is influencing the outcomes of my tournaments. Let's get that out of the way right from the start. I will say this though. Since I've become a Christ Follower my game has become so much more disciplined than it was before. I'm not allowing my results to affect the way that I play which is huge. I rarely tilt anymore and I think it's because I'm not out to destroy others but just play the best that I can and let the results be what they are.

A little personal life content. Probably the guy that has been my best buddy throughout my life dropped in from Minnesota last week to play a reunion show with his old band. We only got to hang out Wednesday afternoon (right in the middle of my fast) but it was still great to see him. I'm sure that we all have that friend that no matter what the twists and turns of life bring us it's like nothing has changed when we get together. It's so good to have someone that you are that close to even if you only see each other a couple of times a decade anymore. So anyway, it was great to see you Dave and I love you and your family. Hope I can get out to Minnesota one of these years and hang with you, Elena, and the kids. God Bless.

OK, a couple of questions for anyone that happens to drop by,

Do you have a best friend?

Everyone's always asking questions about what they would improve about themselves. I'd like to know what's something that you like about yourself! Such a better question. I got the idea from another blog I read, JudiFree. I like my eyes and my sense of humor. How about you? What do you like about yourself?

Poker Brag

If anyone remembers my bankroll before august 27th was nothing. If you look over to the right you will now see that I have taken nothing and turned it into $20. A cool little milestone. That could buy me like 6 mochas or iced mochas at Journey. I could take Letty to a movie if we didn't eat anything. We could maybe squeeze in a lunch at Denny's. It could be the buy in at a tournament at Viejas. A delivered pizza from Round Table (if I have the coupon). A half a tank of gas. Five Red Baron frozen pizzas. Six gallons of milk. Needless to say, a ton of fun.

Wednesday Words Vol. #4

Thanks for all the birthday wishes from everyone. It turned out to be a wonderful day. I got off from work and headed home thinking it was just going to be a normal day. My wonderful wife had other ideas, however.

Letty surprised me by taking the day off from work. When I got home I thought she was headed out as per usual. No way man. She had plans. Off to Viejas for a little breakfast action. I had the bacon and eggs special while she had their breakfast burrito. Both were delicious.

After breakfast I got my entry into the morning no limit poker tournament. We had about a half hour wait before the tournament started so we lost some money playing Monopoly Slots. The tournament started and I just got there in time to see the first hand. I ended up taking the first pot down, that was the last one I would win.

I was treading water for the first couple of levels. We colored up and then I ran into this hand. I made a couple of mistakes I think. The guy that was under the gun two to my left raises. A guy in mid position raises himself all in. I wake up to 10-10. Mistake #1 not raising all in after him. I thought that the guy behind me would have been put all in by me just calling instead of raising. Anyway, he called which left him with about $1,000 behind. I had him out stacked by a couple of grand. The flop comes A-J-x. Rainbow. UTG guy checks and I check behind him. On the turn a brick. He checks and here comes Mistake #2. I check. I should have pressured him out of the pot, put him all in. I didn't and it would cost me. The river is a harmless-looking 8. He suddenly pushes his last $1,000 in. I call and he shows pocket 8's for the set. Ugh. The 1st all in guy mucked his hand. I'm down to about $1,500 in chips. The very next hand I'm dealt A-J. I push all in and say "steam raise," hoping that someone will give me some action. The same guy that had just rivered the set calls immediately. He tables A-4. What happens? He hits the 4 on the flop, I don't improve and take the staircase of shame from the poker room.

Fortunately for me, my beautiful wife is still in the casino so I'm not alone. I meet her over in the bingo hall and we play a session of bingo. Letty came close once or twice but no luck. We got the heck out of there after the bingo. That was enough losing for us for the day. All in all we had a good time and my wife was an awesome good sport about hanging at the casino with me. It's definitely not her thing although she does enjoy the bingo.

That was about it for the day. By the time we got home I was tired. I needed to go to sleep. I played some online poker for a while, then finally dragged my ass to bed. It turned out to be a great day and the best part of the whole thing was that I got to spend it with my love. It doesn't get any better than that.

Wednesday Words vol. 2

A whole lot of nothing going on here. Doing a lot of reading, playing some online poker, sleeping and working. I'm thinking about picking up my guitar and start playing for at least a half an hour a day. I want to get back to performance level again. You have to start somewhere.

God and I are doing splendidly. I've been reading his book and man, can He tell a story. I'm in the beginning of Exodus, as a matter of fact I'm at the point where Pharaoh and his army have just gone for a swim in the Red Sea. AS if that scene isn't the setup for every Tom & Jerry and Roadrunner episode I have ever seen. mee-meep!

At Journey we have started a new series called The Other Joseph. I'm enjoying it since I just got out of the end of Genesis a couple of weeks ago. I'm not talking about Invisible Touch, I mean the first chapter of The Bible. Joseph's story is about a guy who keeps really taking some tough shots early in life but doesn't leave him embittered. I would think that it would be easy to let the situations and circumstances of our lives swallow us up. Joseph wouldn't allow this to happen to him. He knew that God had a plan for him and stayed the course.

I'd love to play some live poker sometime in the next couple of months. We have just been broke as heck and I can't be off playing poker for real money. God's taking care of us though. It's amazing what can happen when I put my trust in Him. I am playing online for pennies and at least it keeps me busy. My tournament action has been atrocious but I've been doing well in the cash games. I think I need to dial back my aggression in tournaments a little. My middle tournament play is really something to be desired. I need to tighten up a bit.

Kids are all in school now. Faith and Precious are in Kindergarten. Grace is in 4th. Beckah is in 7th and Kassie started high school. Rachel is working full time over at Long's and is doing a great job raising my little grandson Jeremiah. It's always nice when all the kids are doing well.

OK, I probably could look this up on the Internets, but here's my question.

What's God's deal with unleavened bread?

Wednesday Words

I'm thinking it would be a good idea at least to check in here every Wednesday no matter what. Let y'all (and me later) know what's happening with me. Even when there's not a lot going on.

Letty and I aren't getting baptized on Sunday. I couldn't get the time off from work and I want it to be a celebration and not something where I'm nodding off before and after the baptism. I think the next opportunity will be in June. It's like my sister said when I told her, "Hey, you're still saved!" Amen to that Shelly!!!

As you can see by my poker bankroll, I am DOMINATING the .02/.04 tables on Pokerstars. I've increased my bankroll by 60% in the last week. That's right, I'm up to over $8.00 in cold, hard cash! What am I going to do with all that money? I think I can afford a value meal somewhere. I could also put 2 gallons of gas in Betsy. That was my Dad's name for her.

We lost an employee at work on Friday. I guy named Jim who had been working at my store for the last 15 years. He was the longest tenured guy on my shift. One of those guys that was kind of grouchy but had a good heart. I'm thinking he was in his 60's. He was from Ohio. He loved the Buckeyes, Browns, and Indians. He was diagnosed with throat cancer about 5 weeks before he passed. I know that he was a Christian, on his vacation he would go over to his church and work there for the week. Like I said a good dude. His funeral is on the 20th. I'll have to go and pay my respects. I miss having him around.

Home life has been good. Letty and I are talking more about things before they come to a head. I think that we both have crossed a bridge as far as our relationship goes. It feels good to know that someone has your back and that you have theirs. I think what I'm trying to say is that there is a deeper level of commitment than we had before. She sees that I'm doing good things and with a servant's heart. I will say that the hardest place in the world to be like that is my own home. Isn't that sad? I'm definitely making the effort that I wasn't making before in the household.

Some more good news this week is that the NFL is starting this weekend. Go Chargers!!!! If we can stay healthy this could be our year. Of course, we have been saying that the last couple of years. We were close, but The Patriots were just too much for us.

OK, I've learned a little trick from my other fellow bloggers. Ask a question at the end of your blog. I love it! Here goes...

Who's your favorite NFL team and why?

The streak is over

Well, I didn't make it to the money. Played in the viejas morning tournament. Got down to the final 3 tables though. I had been moved to my last table to the very right of the hugest stack in the tournament. I mean he had me outchipped probably 20 to 1 when I sat down. I doubled through him once but I wasn't so lucky the second time. I picked up 4-4. I pooshed. He called with A-K. He hit K on the flop. No help on the turn or river and I am el finito. Oh well.

What's my next move? Head over to the 3-6 limit table for a little limit cash action. Good thing too. I played nice and tight. I guess it would be a TAG that I was playing. I only got called down once and it was with the nuts flush. After that I got called to the turn a couple of times before people would fold to my turn bets. I played good position as well. The key hand as far as it being a winning session was this. It was a kill pot (which makes the game a 6/12 hand) and after a couple of calls I look down to find A-J. I'm one or two to the left of the button and I 2-bet it. One of the guys behind me calls and then the original caller raise all in with 3 more chips. The 3 of us left in the pot all call and the flop comes A-J-x. Checked to me, I bet (slightly afraid of a flush draw) and get called by the 2 guys that still have chips. Another rag on the turn, checked to me I bet out my 12 chips and both guys fold behind me. It's a showdown between me and the all-in. I turn over my A-J and he mucks it before the river is even dealt. It was a nice pot, more than doubled up my buy in. I hung out for a couple of more hands and then racked up my chips and went home to fight another day.

Yet another final table at Viejas

Let's see. That's 8 of 13 now. I could make a copy of my last live tournament post because it went down pretty much the same way. I had to change my game plan a little and really tighten my hand range. There was a LAG in seat 1 that was actually a really good player. At the second level though I finally was able to double through him with J-10 offsuit (I was able to limp with this hand). the flop came J-9-5 rainbow. I was last to act. 3 to the flop. The first guy checks and LAG bets half the pot. I think for a second and call. First guy folds. the next card is a rag and LAG makes a pot size pet. I think about it for a second and come over the top of him. He immediately calls with pocket 8's. The next card misses both of us and I take down the pot.

The truth is I couldn't find a hand to play today. At least in the first hour. The other important hand I remember was waking up to A-K after the LAG had already raised 3x the blind. One of the guys between us goes all in with his 3 chips that he had left. I call "all in" and the LAG makes a groan. He goes into the tank for about a minute before he folds the hand. I hit a K on the flop to take out the all-in. A 9 hit on the turn and the LAG starts to moan some more. After the hand he tells me good bet and tells me he had pocket 9's. If he had called with the 9's he would have had about 6 chips behind. I guess he thought it wasn't worth it. Thank God. That hand left me near the top of the chipleaders at my table. I think playing so few hands to that point definitely helped me in that situation. In fact, I can only remember losing 1 hand at showdown today.

2 guys bust out at the same time and we have ourselves another final table. Although this time, the big stack doesn't want to deal. We play a circuit and this hand comes up. The guy UTG makes an all in bet. It fold around to me. I find Q-Q. I didn't push immediately. I was thinking if I should fold to the more money. I would have broken even for the day with my-ev play on the machines if I went out here. That was good enough for me. I call his all in (he has me outstacked). Then the guy in the big blind calls as well. I think he had us both outstacked as well. The first guy turns over A-J, the second guy turns over something like 10-9, neither improves and I take down a pivotal pot for me. I knocked neither one of the guys out but severely crippled the first guy down to 1 chip. A couple of hands later another double knockout occurs, bringing us down to six players. Two stacks twice my size get some extra money and the rest of us take down 10x our buy in. Another good score. Another final table.

I think one of the things that has led to my success in the live MTT's is that I'm learning to play to the strengths and weaknesses of the other players at my table. Whereas on Friday I was able to limp and raise with not particularly strong starting hands, I knew that wasn't going to work today with the aggressive players I was up against. So I tightened up my range, won a couple of pots with good cards at showdown, and was able to steal a few blinds in the middle of the tournament due to my tight table image.

In the past I might have gone on tilt against a guy that was as aggressive as seat 1 was. Today, I was able to pick my spots and make him pay for his aggressiveness as opposed to my usual pushing back with nothing or next to nothing. That's sent me home from many a tournament in the past. It's been nice having this vacation time off to play a little poker and gauge my abilities against guys that play tournament poker every day. I'm thinking that I'm more than holding my own and that maybe I should pursue playing the live tournaments a little more aggressively. Of course, I could be just getting lucky. There's always that.

Poker Stars WSOP $1 Million giveaway: Weekly Final Live Blog

10:00 am I qualified into this tournament on Tuesday in one of the hourly tournaments that Poker Stars is running. The actual qualifying tournament was pretty much a super turbo rush job. I was surprised when I looked at the tournament info at the $5,000 starting stack and the blinds starting off small and lasting for 15 minutes. It's actually somewhat of a real tournament and not just a poosh fest. I don't know if that's good or bad for me. It's a half an hour before the tournament starts and there's already over 7,000 runners.

It's funny how excited I am about this tournament. It's the same feeling I get when I buy a lotto ticket. I get to dream about what I would do if I won. I'm picturing myself driving out to Vegas, entering into my suite at the Palms, hob nobbing with all the poker glitterati, you get the picture. Ahhh, dreaming. I don't do as much of it as I used to. So for a couple of hours I get to dream.

10:30 am 7,795 runners start it off, people are already playing 10x the blind on the first couple of hands. Sigh.

10:45 blinds up to 15/30 I'm at 4,800 in chips. Saw a couple of flops but nothing happened. Stack: largest 20355, smallest 10, average 5261 Your current position is 5195 out of 7424.

11:00 am blinds 25/50 I'm at 6,895 in chips. Won a couple of hands and split a plot to get up above the starting stack. Stack: largest 29325, smallest 100, average 5841 Your current position is 384 out of 6681

11:15 blinds 50/100 I won another couple of pots to double my starting stack. $10,445. Feeling pretty good about my play right now. Stack: largest 35610, smallest 180, average 6239 Your current position is 814 out of 6263

11:30 first break blinds 75/150. I'm at $10,945. Was a slow level for me. I actually got check-raised out of a pot that somewhat hurt. OK, got to go pee. Stack: largest 41595, smallest 70, average 6881 Your current position is 759 out of 5664

11:50 blinds 100/200. My first huge all in bluff works. Thank God. $14,570 in chips. I'm also at a new table, a couple of stacks larger than mine. Stack: largest 77640, smallest 50, average 8003 Your current position is 560 out of 4880

12:13 I'm out. The stupid hand that crippled me. I don't know what the hell I was thinking, couldn't lay it down. I hate myself right now....

PokerStars Game #18443112332: Tournament #84389993, Freeroll Hold'em No Limit - Level VII (125/250) - 2008/06/28 - 15:07:35 (ET)
Table '84389993 974' 9-max Seat #5 is the button
Seat 1: raster1 (13410 in chips)
Seat 2: Marto28 (3380 in chips) is sitting out
Seat 3: ashhardwares (11109 in chips)
Seat 4: Nuscas (3275 in chips) is sitting out
Seat 5: bub66ohm (14270 in chips)
Seat 6: MrSiggs (21243 in chips)
Seat 7: Cigman420 (3525 in chips) is sitting out
Seat 8: headsuppkr (9400 in chips)
Seat 9: SLOWHANDS59 (12158 in chips)
raster1: posts the ante 25Marto28: posts the ante 25
ashhardwares: posts the ante 25
Nuscas: posts the ante 25
bub66ohm: posts the ante 25
MrSiggs: posts the ante 25
Cigman420: posts the ante 25
headsuppkr: posts the ante 25
SLOWHANDS59: posts the ante 25
MrSiggs: posts small blind 125
Cigman420: posts big blind 250
*** HOLE CARDS ***Dealt to bub66ohm [8c Jc]
headsuppkr: folds
SLOWHANDS59: calls 250
raster1: calls 250
Marto28: folds
ashhardwares: calls 250
Nuscas: folds
bub66ohm: calls 250
MrSiggs: calls 125
Cigman420: folds

*** FLOP *** [5h Jd Js]
MrSiggs: checks
SLOWHANDS59: checks
raster1: checks
ashhardwares: checks
bub66ohm: bets 800
MrSiggs: folds
SLOWHANDS59: folds
raster1: calls 800
ashhardwares: folds

*** TURN *** [5h Jd Js] [2s]
raster1: checks
bub66ohm: bets 1600
raster1: raises 1600 to 3200
bub66ohm: raises 9995 to 13195 and is all-in
raster1: calls 9135 and is all-in
Uncalled bet (860) returned to bub66ohm

*** RIVER *** [5h Jd Js 2s] [6d]

*** SHOW DOWN ***raster1: shows [2h Jh] (a full house, Jacks full of Deuces)
bub66ohm: shows [8c Jc] (three of a kind, Jacks)
raster1 collected 27995 from pot

*** SUMMARY ***Total pot 27995 Rake 0 Board [5h Jd Js 2s 6d]Seat 1: raster1 showed [2h Jh] and won (27995) with a full house, Jacks full of DeucesSeat 2: Marto28 folded before Flop (didn't bet)Seat 3: ashhardwares folded on the FlopSeat 4: Nuscas folded before Flop (didn't bet)Seat 5: bub66ohm (button) showed [8c Jc] and lost with three of a kind, JacksSeat 6: MrSiggs (small blind) folded on the FlopSeat 7: Cigman420 (big blind) folded before FlopSeat 8: headsuppkr folded before Flop (didn't bet)Seat 9: SLOWHANDS59 folded on the Flop

There it is. In a live tourney I probably only call in that spot and then get out of the way. Here I think I can push someone off of a hand, he obviously check raised me with something and I wasn't going to get him off the hand. Shit. Oh well, maybe next year. I think I'm going to go play some live cash at the Lady Luck as soon as I cool off.

Tournament re-cap

Ho hum. Yet ANOTHER final table appearance by yours truly. That's 7 final tables in my last 12 live tournaments. I really should play live more often. Maybe it's just where I play. Although I went 2 for 4 in Vegas in February.

I wish it would transfer to my online playing. I don't think it's because I'm a great reader of people that I play better live. It might be because I don't make a lot of bored donkey moves in a live tournament for fear of embarrassing myself. I have no such fear when I'm playing online. I really have a hard time keeping my concentration up over a couple of hours in online MTT's. Playing live I really watch what's going on around me and rate the players I'm playing against much more than I do online. Who knows. Maybe I just catch cards live. I caught a few today.

First level of the tournament. The guy two to my right raises to $200 from 25/50 blinds. I look down at 10-10. I call the $200 to see the flop, everyone else folds. The flop comes Q-10-x. Dude is first to act and bets $1,000. The tournament starts off with $3,000 in chips. I'm not going to call, I can't see him having queens, maybe a-q? I push the rest of my stack and declare myself all in. He looks at me, and calls saying he hopes I don't have a queen because I'm in trouble if I do. He tables A-A I flop over my set, he doesn't improve and I've doubled through him. The amazing thing is he is the son of the guy I doubled through back in the $100 tournament I played at viejas in December. Really cool guy, he's in a wheelchair but plays some great poker. The really amazing thing is that he only had about $150 in chips after that hand but played himself all the way back to the final table himself. It was a win - win situation which was pretty cool cuz I like the guy a lot.

I take down a couple of more pots including knocking a guy out when my 8-3 in the big blind turned into a full house on the river and he got all of his chips in with A-8. Guess he should have raised me out of the pot. Eventually we color up and then the table is broken.

The blinds are moving up faster now. I'm down to about 9 $500 chips after the $100 chips are colored up. A lot of stealing going on. Finally, I'm in the small blind when a guy to my left goes all in with K-Qo. I look down and find A-A. I call (I think I have him out stacked barely), he doesn't improve and for the first time that day at the tables I sat at AA didn't get cracked. Whoo, I have some breathing room now. I steal a couple of blinds, I'm up to about 24 or 25 pinkies, then this hand happens.

The guy opens from UTG or real close with an all in for about half of what I have. I look down at A-Q suited. I think about it for a minute and finally call. everyone else folds. He turns over 6-6. Flop A-J-6. I can't catch him and he takes down half of my chips. the blinds at this level I believe are 3-6 pink.

We are down to 3 tables when we color up to.... um I'm not sure what that color is. Some kind of ugly light green, not the dark green which equals $25. Anyway they are $2,500 chips. After we race for chips and I don't catch a one, I'm left with 3 of the puke green chips. Actually it must have been broken down to two tables, twenty players left in the tourney. I'm in the big blind with my 2 chips and one behind. The small blind raises me and I call blind. He has 9-6o. I have 10-3o. We both wiff on the flop, the turn, and the river. Whoo-hoooo!!! Double up for me but I still have a lot of work to do.

Maybe the pivotal hand for me is one I don't play at all. The wheelchair guy raise to 6 chips (blind are 1-2 Puke greens or pg's) I look down at A-J suited. There's only about 13 of us left and if I call I only have 3 chips behind and if I raise he is sure to call having me out stacked. I lay it down. I was figuring him for a pocket pair and didn't want to get in a race. After the tournament he told me he was holding A-Q. Good thing I didn't call. A few hands later an all-in 3 way occurs, 2 guys bust and we are into the final table.

At the final table everybody decides to chop even. It was unbelievable. There were 3 stacks that were easily ahead of the others. I don't know if it was me. I was probably in the middle somewhere but was more than willing to take 4th place money without playing a hand.

How about that? Some actual poker content. I'm going to have to start making notes when I play because there were some better hands that I was involved with but can't for the life of me remember. Including a couple I lost.

The bad thing is that I donked off a couple of buy ins on those gosh darned one armed bandits. If I could stay away from those I'd probably be a winning player.

Tomorrow I'm entered in to some Poker Stars Free Roll. The top 4 prizes are are an entry into the 2008 WSOP Main Event. Wish me luck, I'm going to have to lay a bunch of bad beats on a lot of people to take that one down.

Friday Staycation trip to Viejas

Heading over to Viejas for a little morning tournament action and some cash game fun. Wish me luck.

The cast is off.

At least while I am at the house. at work, I'm still using it because I'm afraid that I will re break it doing something stupid as I'm known to do. I don't always use the best judgement. Unbelievable, no? Life's been going pretty well lately. My two middle daughters have been calling and texting frequently and it's been awesome getting to know them even if it's from afar. My youngest daughter Grace and I have a standing date on Sundays to go to church together and hang out afterword so that is awesome as well. It's been pretty quiet on the Rachel (my oldest) front but I check out her myspace page frequently and it doesn't seem like there is anything major happening there.

Pokerwise, I haven't been doing much at all. I won a UB freeroll tournament against about 4500 others which earned me a grand total of $9 lol. 5 hours for $9. I guess it's the principle of the thing? Hmmm, not sure. Went up to Viejas on Wednesday for my first live tournament since January. Never really got going and was out after the second color-up. About 2 hands into it.

Letty and I have been doing well. Not fighting or arguing nearly as much as we had been doing the months prior. We are both beginning to trust each other a little more. Did I mention how good it feels to be typing this? I might be typing a lot more just to get my hand dexterity back to point. It's a pretty wild break. They call it a boxer's break. It's the metacarpal on my pinkie. On my left hand. I'm left handed. Sigh. I'm a little scared to use it too much.

NA convention is happening this weekend in San Diego but I probably won't make it down there. The San Diego Convention is weird because there is really no place to hang out and talk. It's just go to a meeting, stand outside, smoke 'em if you got 'em if you smoke 'em (I don't), then go back inside for the next meeting. It's cool because you see people there that you only get to see once a year. If I didn't have to go to work I probably would have gone but by the time I wake up there won't be any time. So off to work I go.

That's about it, I hope I can really start writing on this thing. I was a much more prolific writer when I was loaded than I am now. That goes for blogging and music. I wonder why that is? I think part of it is that I am wrapped too tight when I am not getting loaded. It's hard for me to dig underneath all my defenses when I'm clean. I'll just keep trying and leave the results up to God. How about that?

Final Table

I made a final table yesterday in a MTT. Even though I went out in 9th it was a great learning experience. I'd love to be able to win one of these things eventually. I've won in limit tourneys online but not NL. I am learning to play less borderline hands which I'm sure has helped me immeasurably.

I went out 65th in The Mookie. Man, I was completely owned by erin26. I kept getting involved in hands with her and kept getting the worst of it. I finally pushed with KQs and she called me with AK and an ace hit the flop to finish me off. It was one of those nights where I knew that I was getting outplayed. Oh well, better luck next week.

On the God front, all sorts of good things have been happening this week. First, the teaching pastor at Journey, Ed Noble, has started his own blog, Ed's Journey. This is the guy that really made me take my first steps toward being a Christ follower. It's been awesome to be able to get a thought or two from him during the week. Check it out.

The other great thing about Ed starting a blog is that I have found a lot of other great Christian blogs that have been linked to him or are leaving comments. That was one of the things I was struggling with before, finding Christ centered blogs that are similar to my own beliefs. I guess you do get what you pray for, sometimes you just have to be patient.

On the life front, I'm struggling. I'm not using, as a matter of fact I got 90 days a couple weeks ago. Just the same-o, same-o. Fighting depression, not content with what I have, a lot of fear about losing the little that I do have. Besides that, I'm great! I'm praying more frequently, I've taken a couple suggestions from the messages that I've received at Journey the last couple of weeks, and I'm trying to stay in line with what God's will is for me. It's a constant struggle for me to overcome my ego and my own selfish interests. It's something that I constantly have to ask God to help me with. The great thing is that He does. It's wonderful to get even a moment's break from my own self-obsession.

Never Drink Coffee after 8:00pm

Unless you want to be blogging at 11:17pm on a Tuesday night. Sigh. I went to my home group meeting which was good, I hadn't been there in a couple of weeks. It's strange now that Ron isn't going anymore. He used to pick me up and we would go together. He's changed up his regular meeting to Fridays so I am left having to make myself go. It shouldn't be that difficult and normally it's not. I just didn't want to go for a couple of weeks I guess. The bad thing about it is I have a tendency to isolate and if I didn't drag my ass down there tonight I might not go for a couple of months. But I did and it was good and I feel somewhat back in the fold, although not nearly as much as I used to.

I've been playing pretty decently online and had actually moved up a level only to get crushed. Back down I go again. I don't mind. As long as I have my little mini bankroll to play with I seem to be OK. I'm accepting my poker lot in life right now while I pay off the bills.

I have been following my Padres, getting back into the habit of watching every game. And whala, my magic is back. Before I started watching, 5 games back of the d-backs. Today, only a game behind after we chased their stud Brandon Webb off the mound in the 6th. They have been playing some exciting games the last week, it's been fun to get back into it. This is kind of a golden era in San Diego sports. If we could only get the Aztecs to do something. The Chargers and Padres are becoming perennial playoff contenders which of you know anything about San Diego team sports is an anomaly. We are so used to being cellar dwellers that we don't even know how to talk shit properly. It's not fair to have suffered this many years without a championship. Maybe the Chargers this year. I can only hope.

Ahhhhh.....

Finally got some air conditioning up in this crib. The A/C guy came yesterday and got it up and running. Thank God. It's been miserable here the last week and a half. The last thing I wanted to do was sit in front of a computer and type my innermost thoughts while sweating my balls off. Not only was I miserable, of course the other members of the household have been miserable as well. Leading to a "who is more tired and miserable" pissing contest at the house. At least between Letty and I. Tio Roberto is a gamer who doesn't complain about anything.

Pokerwise, have been slowly building up my mini poker bankroll. Playing in cash games mainly. Micro-limit limit poker. I'm a good limit player and I enjoy it. Hopefully I can build up my account money where I can play in some modest entry fee tourneys. I play the freerolls on Poker Stars and Ultimate Bet but they are such all-in fests that they tend to bore me and not make it worth the effort to play. Especially when it's 90 plus degrees in the house with no relief in sight.

Friday I went to church and Pastor Ed talked about grace. The subject of grace always chokes me up a bit. It's like I can be flying 100+ miles an hour in my mind full of my self and my needs and my desires and my triumphs and someone can mention grace. Something you can't earn. An unrequited gift from God. For a person that lives the life that I have (and still do) grace is a life preserver. He used a great parable to describe how grace works and why it is such a hard concept for humans to grasp.

Matthew 20:1-16

1"For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire men to work in his vineyard. 2He agreed to pay them a denarius for the day and sent them into his vineyard.
3"About the third hour he went out and saw others standing in the marketplace doing nothing. 4He told them, 'You also go and work in my vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.' 5So they went.
"He went out again about the sixth hour and the ninth hour and did the same thing. 6About the eleventh hour he went out and found still others standing around. He asked them, 'Why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing?'
7" 'Because no one has hired us,' they answered. "He said to them, 'You also go and work in my vineyard.'
8"When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, 'Call the workers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first.'
9"The workers who were hired about the eleventh hour came and each received a denarius. 10So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius. 11When they received it, they began to grumble against the landowner. 12'These men who were hired last worked only one hour,' they said, 'and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day.'
13"But he answered one of them, 'Friend, I am not being unfair to you. Didn't you agree to work for a denarius? 14Take your pay and go. I want to give the man who was hired last the same as I gave you. 15Don't I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?'
16"So the last will be first, and the first will be last."

One of the key points that he wanted us to take from his sermon (I don't really like to call it a sermon, it sounds so formal, it's more like a talk) was, unlike the hired men, To celebrate God's generosity wherever we may find it. Grace frees us from jealousy and celebrating the grace in the lives of others increases our own ability to experience it.

The point that I took from it is I'm glad that I'm not getting what I deserve, but what God wants me to have through his love for me. Oh, and of course he is not talking about other blogger's high finishes in poker tournaments. I'm still allowed to be plenty jealous about that. ;)

Hot In The City

San Diego is smoking hot. I don't know the actual temperature but I know that I have no air conditioning and I am downing a propel an hour. I love those things. The problem is it's too hot to sleep. I slept for about 3 hours after I got home. I woke up a sweaty mess. Now I can't go back to sleep. I go to church tonight (Sunday mornings I can't keep my eyes open after work) and then it's off to work.

I'm teaching myself how to play Omaha. I've found there's a couple of different variations. I've been having a lot of beginner's luck because I am consistently having winning sessions. I'm really enjoying the game, it's fun to learn something new and not have it cost you tons to learn it.

Yesterday, I drove over to The Lady Luck and sat down at a $3-6 limit hold'em table. The same guys I have been seeing for the last 3 years. I won a big hand early when my A-6s ran into a A-A-x-6 board. Here's the funny thing. Maybe my thinking's wrong on this. I'm playing against this old guy I see a lot in there. He's been leading the betting. So I check to him, he bets out and I raise. He mucks his hand and storms off on tilt to have a smoke. I could have really run the guy into the ground if I had wanted to. I check-raised him to save him some chips. At least I thought I did. I guess there's no such thing as a friendly check-raise. Sigh.

I must have drawn the wrath of the poker gods for the next 10 hands however as I couldn't win a hand to save my life, I was down to my last $15 from an original $100 buy in and put my last chips in with pocket 7's. I hit a 7 on the turn to win the hand, went on a mini rush, got myself back over even and cashed the hell out. There's no worse feeling than getting your money back and then giving it all back. I came up $6 for the 3 hours I was there. Another big win for the bubster.

Hi There!

I've probably doomed myself by putting God in the title of my blog. Probably depends on what I'm looking to get out of this. "To thine own self be true." OK, God it is then. My problem is that I love Poker. And God. And a whole bunch of other things that I adore from time to time. I'm not the greatest player, not the greatest writer, and definitely not the greatest Christ follower around either. Obviously. I've got a lot of issues. Children, addiction, alcoholism and gambling (the non poker variety) just to name a few.

I'm hoping that with this blog maybe I can bring all these things together in some kind of cohesive, smooth running machine. Yeah, who am I trying to kid. It's more that I enjoy the act of writing and the meeting of new people and sometimes actually posting something halfway decent. I can always dream.

The poker part of me: I've been playing pretty consistently for the last 4 years. I started playing online in 2004 in play money games that my boss at the time turned me on to. I graduated to playing cash tournaments at Viejas. Unfortunately, it was probably my 5th tournament and I accidentally went ahead and won. I've been hooked ever since. I played (and play) in cash games at Viejas, The Lady Luck, sometimes Barona and Sycuan. I nickel and dime it online (especially since I can't figure a way to get money onto my Epassporte account). Overall, I'm definitely in the black for poker which continues to amaze me.

The God part of me: The only way to do this is to put it in black and white. Maybe I will add a link to my old blog so that you can see what a mess I was. I've been playing in bands since I was 19 years old. I've had 5 kids with 4 different women. I'd developed a nasty alcohol and drug habit not to mention smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day. I'd shrunk up to the point where I was fitting into size 28 jeans and they were loose. About 115 pounds soaking wet. Sores, speech problems, nervous tics, a general dark cloud over my head. I'd been messing with NA and AA since I was a teenager but it never stuck for more than a couple of years. In May 2005 I was at the end of my rope. I didn't want to live anymore. I was in a nightmare relationship that had me to the point where I was actually calling people's homes and threatening to kill them. I could barely work and I was living in the basement of my employer's house. (Thanks Gene, you were and are a life saver). I finally stopped everything on May 1st, 2005. My clean date. I started going to meetings with my guitar player and just didn't pick up. I did all the suggestions (except work the steps with a sponsor, oops) and haven't had the desire to pick up.

Oh yeah, where does God come into all of this? I started talking to this girl I met online in March of 2006. Craig's list to be exact. She was funny, I loved the way she talked, and attractive. Oh, and she was a Christian. Ugh. I believed that there was a divine presence in the universe but Jesus? Thank God she didn't make a big deal about it. She was much too clever for that. She kept inviting me to go to church with her but I would beg off with one excuse or another. Finally, one day I decided to keep an open mind (and to keep her happy) I went. I was scared. These aren't my kind of people. I felt like they could all see the evil that was in me. Finally the band started and my church experience turned into a rock concert. Huh? I was expecting either solemn hymns or folk rock john denver style of music. It was more like U2. That piqued my curiosity. Then the pastor gave his talk. A down to earth, normal talk based on the bible. It made sense. They got my guard down. Did I mention that while this was happening I was drinking a mocha in the service that I had bought when we were walking in? Good music, a nice talk, A Starbucks quality mocha? Did I mention very progressive church?

I enjoyed it. I still wasn't convinced about the Jesus as my personal savior but I kept going back. The message of the church stayed consistent. They weren't trying to force anything. They didn't want my money. They let me come to God on my own. Novel approach that worked. I don't remember the exact day that I turned my life over to Christ, I remember that it was at the end of the service and Pastor Ed asked if anyone wanted to turn their life over to Christ to please raise their hand so he could pray with us. I did and he did and that's where I am at today. I'm not a bible thumper. I'm not judgemental. I think it's God's job not mine. I have found some peace in my life that I've never experienced. Sometimes I believe that is just old age, most of the time I think it's God. I do have doubts. I do waver in my belief. I'm human. I have a hard time when people say that they don't. I try absolutely to remain humble and not be a hypocrite.

That's my story up to this point. This blog is probably not going to be G rated. I have lots of stories and I'm still not perfect although I have moved from a rated X live to maybe a PG. Thanks if you have read any of this and I hope to make a lot of new friends in the months to come.