Civility

Anyone else struggling to stay civil as the election draws near? I know that I have had to hold my tongue (or my fingers) a few times in the last couple of days. Our passions are becoming more inflamed as Election Day fast approaches. Whether you are a democrat or a republican, a liberal or a conservative, things are quickly becoming hot and words noticeably shorter.

Let's face it. We all have our issues. The beliefs and thoughts that define us. Some of this comes from our family. Some from life experience. Some from religious values that we have adopted. I'm sure that my world view as a 40 something, white, recovering addict, lower middle class (I hate to say poor because I think I do the real poor an injustice), Christ following man is much different than a 30 something, black, educated, Muslim woman. Or any of the vagaries in between.

For me, it's not even really an issue of what I believe or who I believe in. The real issue is how do I handle myself with the grace that God would want from me. Do I attack people for not thinking along the same views that I do? Should I let them know that I am horrified that anyone would want us to maintain the status quo? Even that last sentence is a shot that I should probably remove but I won't. I guess that's my humanness showing through.

To those that don't see things the same way that I do here's what I'm going to do. I am going to love you. I am going to turn the other cheek if you strike me even if I want to fire right back at you. I am going to pray for you. Not that you come around to my point of view but that you get whatever it is you are looking for. I'm going to work on the log in my eye and not worry about the splinter in yours. I am going to respect the fact that even brothers and sisters in Christ can disagree.

Why? Because I think that's what Jesus would want of me. I don't think that He needs me to hold others accountable for their actions. He does just fine. I think that those are the things that He asks me to do in The Bible. I think that one of His main messages was to be accountable for MY thoughts and actions and not others. I think that He wants me to be compassionate and merciful. To drop the rock and walk away.

It's sad to me that I even have to write a post like this. I'm only doing it as a reminder to myself that I always need to handle myself in a way that brings glory and honor to my Savior. To make sure that my heart and my mind are always seeking Him first. OK, I'm laughing a little at myself. It's also a post to maybe remind some of my more bellicose Brothers and Sisters what we are really all about. Who am I trying to kid?

Anyways, if you are reading this I just want to let you know that I love you and Christ loves you and because of that I can agree to disagree with you yet still want only good things for you and yours. God bless.

Stuck In The middle

I wonder if I have stepped into a little dilemma with my blog. Too "Christian" for the poker player. Too "earthy" for the christian. Not that it matters. It's "my journey" after all, and this is where I am at. Sometimes it's a little hard for me to delineate where the line is.

The real great thing that I have found by doing a LOT of blog reading is that I'm not alone. One of the benefits of Pastor Ed starting his blog is I have stumbled into some great Christian blogs as well. Actual humans with frailties (that they openly talk about) writing that it isn't always easy to follow God but that the benefits are truly worth it.

I've been experiencing God in really "of this world" kind of ways a lot lately. I'm not sure it's because I've been praying, asking God to show himself to me because I am of such little faith that I need the tap on the shoulder every once in awhile to let me know that he is really there. Amazingly enough, he has been.

Letty and I have taken up the spiritual practice of tithing as it was so eloquently explained by Pastor Mike a few weeks ago at Journey. It made sense to me so we talked about it. as per normal, Letty was way ahead of me, instantly agreeing.

It's hard to give up 10% of one's money when you barely feel like you are making it as it is. After child support and insurance my check is about 35% of my gross. It was a big step for a guy like me who equates money with security to give up any more than what I felt comfortable with. I think that's the point though. A life of taking up the Cross and following Christ isn't and never was meant to be the softer way. I think that's a big misconception that I had when I first became a Christ follower. This isn't easy. Not that living the life of a drug addicted, alcoholic, womanizing gambler was easy but it was comfortable in that familiar, survival mode kind of way.

We have been doing it. Amazingly, and true to what Pastor Mike said, Letty and I have made the rent, paid our bills, and been managing to eat and keep enough gas in the car to get to work as well. Even got the brakes on Letty's car fixed. Where did the money come from? You got me. I know the external sources of it (no, it wasn't a stimulus check lol, they took that away for back taxes) but it was definitely money that we weren't aware of that came to us. I'd like to think it's God going "hey, ye of little faith, see what happens when you just trust me a little?" I hope he has a couple more miracles here to get us through the next couple of months. We're probably going to need them.

The thing is, I'm beginning to really trust in the fact that God has not brought us this far to just drop us on our ass, and even if we do fall on our ass he will be more than willing to help us up and dust us off. He's good like that.

Of course the real proof would be if God could get the Padres to score a couple of runs every once in awhile and fix up that leaky bullpen. OK, o.k., one miracle at a time in your time Lord.

Random Thoughts

I have never looked so forward to going back to work after my days off as I am today. I have spent the last couple of days (except for a couple hours at my NA meeting) cooped up in my bedroom reading blogs and playing online poker. I even fell asleep during the Padre game before we got the winning runs in the bottom of the 8th. Letty woke me up to tell me. I'm bored. If I was in a meeting I'm sure someone would point out to me that's because I'm boring. Maybe. Can't wait to get my bills caught up so I can have some old fashioned fun again. I am such a whiner.

One of the things I have been trying to do is to find some interesting christian blogs to read. Verily, I tell you, they do not seem to exist. I read over 40 of them yesterday trying to find just one funny, entertaining blog. I got a lot of conservative christian blogs. No offense, but that's not my cup of tea. I don't hate gays, drug addicts, alcoholics, or degenerate gamblers. I'm not real fond of pedophiles. I guess that's my big dislike. A lot of them seem to have this "us" against "them" attitude. Maybe it's a "holier than thou" thing. I think maybe it's because the ones that I have been reading have been Christians all their lives and I don't relate. Then there are the "bible study" or "theological" blogs which is like reading quantum physics. Snoooooooze.

I want to read about struggle. I want to read about how people apply their faith in real life situations when everything isn't going their way. I want to read about how people overcome their addictions and fall back but still persevere. I get more of that in the poker blogs that I read than the christian ones. People doubting their poker playing abilities but persevering through it till the next big pot.

I don't know about anyone else. I struggle with all of this. I know, I'm too much of a thinker. An analyzer. I've never been able to go "Oh, that's just the way it is." Some days my faith is great and sometimes it's not so great. I've been going to self help groups for 22 years. I should know that I shouldn't judge my insides on other people's outsides. Yet I do it again and again. Human nature I guess.

I'm thinking about looking for some recovery blogs today. Maybe I will find some hope over there with the rest of the dope fiends. Thank God for the poker people. They keep it interesting around here.