Wednesday Words

At Journey we are going through a 21 day season of fasting. While we are fasting we are asking God, "What?" What do you want from me, Lord. If I was asked while I'm fasting what I want I would say a delicious cheeseburger, or maybe a nice slab of prime rib with a yummy baked potato. Unfortunately no one is asking me.

If you haven't noticed, today is my fasting day. Every Wednesday through these 3 weeks is the day Letty and I chose to fast. She has it way harder than I do. She has to work, it's my day off. I get to sit at home and fast, read, pray, play cards, PSII it, nap, and do whatever I can to take my mind off of eating. I wish I could say that whenever I am hungry I instantly go to prayer and meditation but I don't have it like that. Sometimes I think a poker tournament or a NCAA basketball game will quell my hunger. Pray for me on that one.

I think that the one thing I'm getting from God is to draw closer to him through my Church. Which of course scares the heck out of me. I'm kind of an introvert by nature and most of the friendships in my life have been forged by necessity or happenstance. I'm hoping that God will make me realize that this IS necessity (much like NA has been for most of my life).

I'm finally getting cracking and jumping on the Bible study guide that I printed out from Ed at the beginning of the year. When I get home from work in the morning it's the first thing that I do. If I try to do it at any other time it just doesn't get done. Is doesn't not a word? It's showing up in my spell checker as not a word. Hmmmm.

Football season is over and I think the Chargers made a nice run just running out of gas and facing a really good team at the end. That Steeler defense is just too fast. Hopefully we will get off to a better start next season. I'm going to say something that might get me excommunicated from Chargerville. Keep Norv. Give him one more year. Hey, he's getting us to the playoffs and we are actually winning playoff games. Maybe with a healthy Merriman it would have put us over the top.

Spring training starts next month and I know absolutely nothing about the 2009 version of the Padres except they have an unhappy Jake Peavy, no Trevor time, and Adrian Gonzalez. It could be fun watching a young team rebuild this year. Or not.

Alright, off to do my daily reading and then who knows what? Have a great day. Oh, BTW

Now that the New Year is underway, how are you doing with your resolutions or goals? Have you changed them up to be more realistic?

Stuck In The middle

I wonder if I have stepped into a little dilemma with my blog. Too "Christian" for the poker player. Too "earthy" for the christian. Not that it matters. It's "my journey" after all, and this is where I am at. Sometimes it's a little hard for me to delineate where the line is.

The real great thing that I have found by doing a LOT of blog reading is that I'm not alone. One of the benefits of Pastor Ed starting his blog is I have stumbled into some great Christian blogs as well. Actual humans with frailties (that they openly talk about) writing that it isn't always easy to follow God but that the benefits are truly worth it.

I've been experiencing God in really "of this world" kind of ways a lot lately. I'm not sure it's because I've been praying, asking God to show himself to me because I am of such little faith that I need the tap on the shoulder every once in awhile to let me know that he is really there. Amazingly enough, he has been.

Letty and I have taken up the spiritual practice of tithing as it was so eloquently explained by Pastor Mike a few weeks ago at Journey. It made sense to me so we talked about it. as per normal, Letty was way ahead of me, instantly agreeing.

It's hard to give up 10% of one's money when you barely feel like you are making it as it is. After child support and insurance my check is about 35% of my gross. It was a big step for a guy like me who equates money with security to give up any more than what I felt comfortable with. I think that's the point though. A life of taking up the Cross and following Christ isn't and never was meant to be the softer way. I think that's a big misconception that I had when I first became a Christ follower. This isn't easy. Not that living the life of a drug addicted, alcoholic, womanizing gambler was easy but it was comfortable in that familiar, survival mode kind of way.

We have been doing it. Amazingly, and true to what Pastor Mike said, Letty and I have made the rent, paid our bills, and been managing to eat and keep enough gas in the car to get to work as well. Even got the brakes on Letty's car fixed. Where did the money come from? You got me. I know the external sources of it (no, it wasn't a stimulus check lol, they took that away for back taxes) but it was definitely money that we weren't aware of that came to us. I'd like to think it's God going "hey, ye of little faith, see what happens when you just trust me a little?" I hope he has a couple more miracles here to get us through the next couple of months. We're probably going to need them.

The thing is, I'm beginning to really trust in the fact that God has not brought us this far to just drop us on our ass, and even if we do fall on our ass he will be more than willing to help us up and dust us off. He's good like that.

Of course the real proof would be if God could get the Padres to score a couple of runs every once in awhile and fix up that leaky bullpen. OK, o.k., one miracle at a time in your time Lord.